Chapter 19: Falling Wings

A scene of peace greeted me as I sat near the ledge of the platform outside. Though immensely dark, the soft light of the moon and the stars showered upon me. There was a pale glow to everything beneath the floating globe in the sky. I could see fairly well with my pair of green eyes. The eyes, so sharp and clear like a binocular, could even be able to see small animals that were lingering around for food half a mile away. Of course, that was only possible in the woods. Now with the sea encircling the entire island, I couldn't see any creatures at all. I sat there silently. My knees closed to my chin as I gazed out nowhere in particular. I fluttered my wings a little to get rid of the numbness. My heart felt heavy. I wasn't as happy as I thought it would be after staying with Druni for the past several weeks. I lowered my gaze as I sighed. There were so much things that I wanted to tell her. There were so much frustrations and troubles that I didn't want to burden her with.

A firefly with a blanched yellowish light came near me. I looked up and watched it dancing through the air. Finally, it landed on my claws. I stared at it without saying anything. A cold breeze was aroused somewhere around the sea. It swept across the evening heaven and rushed into me. My hair with the length of reaching the end of my ears was wavering along with the wind. The tiny little flashing insect took off and disappeared into the night. My eyes settled on the invisible horizon once again. I wanted to be freed of all the perplexed thoughts and emotions. I flinched when I felt a stinging hot tear rolling down my face. Sub-consciously, I tried to wipe it off my chin. My claw dug into the flesh and made a small slash. A drop of red appeared then two. I didn't notice the pain. I felt empty... confused... distorted... dead.

The stars twinkled above me, as if they were signaling me to join them. I wanted to, but I couldn't reach them. I couldn't reach the hope. I couldn't reach the wish. I trailed my hand along my right leg. Feeling the smooth skin, I touched the flesh wound. I was wearing a pair of primitive shorts made out of animal hides as a substitute of my jean for a short amount of period, at least, after my injury had healed completely. My sight was set in a straight line as I tried to think of solutions to my problems and mistakes. It was no use... I was a failure. They had abandoned me. They had forgotten about me. None came to search for me. I guessed that I was only part of the history now. My existence was not required anymore. If so, what was the point of living?

I shook my head as I attempted to get rid of the entire negative thoughts and notions. I could not have another incident of depression. One was already enough; I didn't need a second dose. Still... I felt as if I had gone through hundreds of years of torment and pain. I could sense the dread... the coldness of reality dawning upon me. I couldn't... I... Couldn't...

A sound occurred behind me. I snapped out of my own moments of terror. Turning around slightly, I saw Druni standing near the entrance of the cave. In her hands held a large bowl of steaming rabbit soup. Her eyes, same color as mine, were filled with sadness while she strolled toward me. Somehow, her large black eyes had changed to the ones similar to mine. I was surprised a while ago. I had inquired about such phenomena, but she gave no real answers. Druni sat down beside me and placed the broth in front of me. I looked at her quietly. Her gaze matched mine. I felt her hand grasping my own as she lay her head on my left shoulder. I opened up my left wing and covered her, shielding her from the cold. Her long, black hair draped down onto her thin shoulders.

"You are troubled, are you not?" She whispered as she took in a deep breath and let it out.

I didn't reply immediately. I was wondering if I should tell her about my enigma. "I..." I started, but the words were not coming out. I fell silent once again, my face was filled with sorrow and uncertainty.

"You can tell me, Tobieaz. You will feel better if you can just tell another person that cares about you the most issues that are distraught." Druni studied my eyes as I looked down at her. "Tobieaz, you don't have to feel alone now. I'm here. We are here. No one can find us even if we are on the same island with the rest of the villagers. You don't have to feel scared now. You don't have to feel rejected now. I'm here, always."

I looked at her for a long moment. At last, I lowered my head. Placing my chin on my knees, I watched the environment around us. I could see the rippling waves of the sea. I could see how the large body of water was so filled with energy, crashing onto the reefs below, blow after solid blow, threatening to tear the cliff walls away. The smell of salt water had brought me serenity. I forced the unwelcome tears from bursting out once more. My mind was so twisted with confusing logic... I couldn't comprehend the meaning of my actuality. The darkness in my head was taking over my body and soul. The darkness of the night was adding more pressure onto me. I buried my face between my arms. I couldn't...

Druni's hand was rubbing my bare back. She gently traced her fingers through the light gray feathers. I felt all warm inside. She was the ray of life in the dimness of death. I vision myself racing after the beam of light...

"Why..."

"What?" She turned to me, puzzled.

With my face still covered, I whispered: "Why am I like this? In such an advanced world that is filled with science and technology, it is impossible for me to change to an appearance such as this... without any proper explanation."

Utter stillness replaced the emptiness. The roar of the sea helped smothering out the sullen mood a little. Druni brooded over what I had said. "It's fate. I guess that's the only reason. It's fate that allows you to become unique."

"Not like this!" I cried. My arms muffled my voice. "Not like this! I don't believe in fate! I never do! There has to be some reasons. There has to be! You can't just go... transforming just because it's fate that allows you to. I was forced into this! I never wanted this kind of life! Never! Why... Must my suffering become twice as much as before until whoever is doing this to me is satisfied? What have I done to deserve this?" My body shuddered as I cried with anguish. I made fists and the claws pierced into the skin.

She cautiously pulled my fingers free. Rich blood dripped off my hands and onto the rocky surface that we were sitting on. Then she hugged me. "Tobieaz... It's the way life is. Sometimes we cannot explain why it happened or how it happened. It just... does. If you want to ask my opinion, I would say that this is your purpose. This is the only purpose for you to exist. My purpose... is to meet you, Tobieaz, and to guide you through hardships. I think purpose and fate are somehow related to each other. Your purpose is to live as who you are now. My purpose is to guide you. Fate brings us together. Fate allows us to know each other and to use each other as support..."

I lifted my head. "You have a choice! I don't!"

"Wrong. Choice is merely a chance. It is the only way to define our actions. However, only choice alone cannot decide the course of actions that are happening around the world. Choice can only help you make up your mind. The consequences of that choice, however, depend on various factors and conditions that are too complicated to fully depict."

"Druni... I... Don't know..." I stammered as I looked away while closing my eyes.

She ran her hand over my shoulders. "Tobieaz... Why tonight you are so disturbed? Is there something else that you are not telling me? Tobieaz... I've told you before. You can trust me. You can believe in me. You can rest assured that I understand what you are going through right now. I know how you feel." She gazed out into the opening sea. Her hair was flapping in the air currents. Her eyes were cloudy with profound thoughts. Lightly, she said: "As you have noticed... I have changed as well. Although not as much as you do, but my eye colors are completely different now. If I were to return to my people, they would have banished me or worse, killed me." Facing me once more, she gave a weak smile. "You and I are the only ones in the world to experience such predicament. If you don't have reliance on me, whom can you ask for help? I, too, the same in return. I trust you, Tobieaz. I believe in you. I would even hand over my life to you because I know that you will protect me just as I will protect you."

Stunned, I could only watch her with my mouth slightly opened. Trembling, I stumbled on the sentences in my brain. "I... ..." I lowered my head once more, unable to reply.

Then, Druni laughed and she placed her lips against mine. I squinted my eyes as I felt tears flowing out from underneath of my eyelids. She embraced me and I pressed her close to my chest. The ache in my heart was still there, but it had loosened somewhat.

How could I explain it to her? How could I explain the corruption in my mind? How...? How could I? I couldn't... I... Couldn't...

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I woke up by the sound of crackling fire. It was early in the morning and the sun was just beginning to show its lovely face from the horizon. The air was surprisingly fresh and warm. I groaned as I squinted my eyes. I stretched a little before I stood up. My leg had nearly healed now. Only an itchy sensation was left. Druni was on the other side of the inner cave, making breakfast. The smell of newly cooked eggs and vegetable soup had made my stomach growling with hunger and anticipation. My talons clicked across the ground as I walked toward the slab of granite stone that served as our table. Sitting on one of the large, oxidized boulders, I yawned.

"Did you have a good night sleep?" Druni asked as she tried to clean the potatoes. I gave her a small smile. "You know... Yesterday night, I have this wild idea..."

I leaned closer to her. "What is it?"

Wheeling around she grinned happily. "Wouldn't it be fun if you can take me with you up into the sky and just fly around for a while? I want to see the vast world from a different perspective. I want to enjoy the eccentric mood of flying through the sky underneath all that gorgeous blue."

I sighed as I answered: "Druni... I cannot carry another person other than myself using my wings. It's too heavy for me to lift off successfully. Also, there is a danger that I might accidentally let go of you if I don't have a firm grip. There's also the air turbulence to worry about. Moreover, what about the villagers? Surely they will be able to see us. They are hunting for us right now. I can hear their footsteps echoing through the night ever since last week. They want our blood and they are desperate for it. It's not like I don't want to grant your dream, but it is not possible in every single way."

She turned back to boil the meat. She didn't speak for a long time. When I couldn't handle such atmosphere, she spoke: "Tobieaz... I just want the two of us to have fun. Life is not life when you cannot enjoy its original purpose. So what if the villagers will see us? We have done nothing wrong to them for quite a while, aside from knocking the Seven Guards unconscious. They have no right to destroy our life."

"I know that, but-"

"Tobieaz. There's more than just running away for the rest of your life. Haven't you ever considered settling down? Aren't you tired of running?"

I was struck speechless when I heard the seriousness of her tone. Staring at the floor, I didn't offer any clarifications. I brought my wings together and felt their warmth. With a resolve, I looked up and said: "All right. I'll try and let you see the world from a place where you would normally not be able to get to. I just need... to think about some issues regarding to this event. I'll let you know when I can perform such task." After saying these, I expected her to smile an approval. Unfortunately, she didn't have any significant reaction. She just kept on feeding the pot with all those unfamiliar seasonings.

"If you don't feel like it, then please don't force yourself so that you can satisfy me," Druni said in a dull voice. It was as if her active energy was gone all of a sudden. She stopped her movements and placed her hands on the workstation. Her hair covered her face, obscuring me from seeing her dejected expression. "I would never want to force you into doing anything, you know that. I also don't want your sympathy. In fact... I would rather die than being sympathized by someone else, even from a person with a close relationship."

My lips were tight as I swallowed the lump in my throat. A few minutess had passed. Nodding, I responded: "I understand. But you must trust me that I do want to fly with you. I really do. I'm just... I..." I trailed off slowly. "I..."

She tilted her head a little. "Please, Tobieaz. If you cannot trust me at all, then just don't say anything. I'll just... wait for you until I have gained your trust..." With that, she passed by me and left the cave.

My back was facing her back as I stood there in the shadow, alone. Wild sets of sentiments were tumbling around inside my head. I gasped painfully while I gradually got closer to a gigantic rock. I leaned against the earth element and closed my eyes. The only sound that I could hear was the whistling of the winter wind...

~End Chapter 19~